Welcome to Buoy, a Life in Deeper Water podcast.

Episode 71.

When I Confess My Brokenness Daily (God draws me closer with His mercy)

Hello human.

It’s windy on the Outer Banks today. Do you hear it?

I don’t know if you are part of a church body and attend a Sunday service. I do, and with every sermon comes a call to action, or several applications for the week. I take them seriously because my God has perfect intent. He brought these applications into my life through His divine purpose for my spiritual growth.

In a series our lead pastor is delivering right now we are discovering, contemplating, seeking a deeper understanding of how we are masterfully created by our Creator with a divine purpose. It has brought the presence of sin in my life into a new light, that the power of increased awareness of our separation from God is a bridge by which we can draw closer to Him.

So I share this application with you:

Embrace confession daily—each day make a practice of it; allow God to reveal the way the brokenness has been on display.

I want to start in a cave. The cave in Engedi that David hid in from King Saul, that he was trapped in, with no way of escape. He feared for his life. It was at this time David wrote Psalm 142, his dialogue with the Lord.

Trapped. Alone. No one to turn to, but God.

Psalm 142

A maskil (contemplation) of David. When he was in the cave. A prayer.

1 I cry aloud to the Lord;

    I lift up my voice to the Lord for mercy.

2 I pour out before him my complaint;

    before him I tell my trouble.

3 When my spirit grows faint within me,

    it is you who watch over my way.

In the path where I walk

    people have hidden a snare for me.

4 Look and see, there is no one at my right hand;

    no one is concerned for me.

I have no refuge;

    no one cares for my life.

5 I cry to you, Lord;

    I say, “You are my refuge,

    my portion in the land of the living.”

6 Listen to my cry,

    for I am in desperate need;

rescue me from those who pursue me,

    for they are too strong for me.

7 Set me free from my prison,

    that I may praise your name.

Then the righteous will gather about me

    because of your goodness to me.

Although it is easy to call David’s plea out as an appeal for God to rescue him, there is more going on in His contemplation.

He lifts his voice for mercy.

He tells his trouble.

He affirms that his spirit is faint.

He accuses people of ensnaring him.

He declares that he is alone.

That no one cares for him.

He is honest about his feelings.

His states by his human calculation that his enemies “are too strong for me.”

He asks God to free him from his prison.

That if God does this, he will praise His name.

And that the righteous will gather because God has given him what we call “street cred.”

This is a display of David’s brokenness. Where we see with clarity how he departs from God’s Will to be master of what has happened to him. And by the path he has taken David finds himself with no way out.

We Create Caves for Our Brokenness

I do the same. By the daily path I take on my own, I find myself with no way out.

We do the same. We create caves for our brokenness. The behaviors we submit to that separate us from God. That drive us into the dark.

What cave do we run to for short-lived protection? Protection from external elements. A diminishing bank account? Rising prices? The ascent toward power?

Protection from internal elements. A hurt ego, diminished pride, fear of defeat, the cavern of lonliness.

I ask myself “who is chasing me?” I ask, “who is chasing you, human?

Because this question does an amazing thing. It helps define what confession is. And why it is not a one-time thing, for our salvation. Yes, we do that to start our spiritual journey, and we affirm it over and over and over. We praise, we worship, we show gratitude for our redemption, for eternal life.

But our daily connection with God is the transforming process in action. The drip, drip, drip of our spiritual life. Our daily connection with God is the bridge of brokenness we walk to be closer to Him.

Because when we have run from what we are trying to avoid on our own merit, when we have chosen behaviors—like selfishness, greed, envy, malice, deceit—to secure our temporal protection, we end up trapped in the human condition. Separated from God. Unless we call out, like David.

Our confession is not for God, it is for us.

Psalm 44:21

Would not God have discovered it, since he knows the secrets of the heart?

 

A cave has only one way out. Back the way we came. A defeated return to that which we tried to escape.

But God has the only way through.

When We Name Our Sins of Separation

When we confess, it is like saying “here” at roll call. It is our time to tell God when we did not choose Him, when we did not choose His Will, His way, when we tried to get out ahead of Him, when we tried to rule alongside Him, when we treated His people poorly, or when we gave our minds and hearts to something, anything, other than Him.

When we name our sins of separation, God shows us mercy.

Proverbs 28:13

Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.

 

I am just thinking that in some ways it is easier to confess in private, but also easier to just not do it. Or confess with some generic phrase. Maybe this is why we are also told that we are to confess with someone and pray for each other.

James 5:16

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.

I am asking God for His presence through the people in my life to do this with… that I will receive His prompts to do this.

Where to Begin:  The Power of His Word Prepares the Heart

Oh, where to begin. The power of God’s Word prepares our hearts for confession.

Hebrews 4:12

For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.

It is so simple to do, yet so powerful to read scripture and bring our focus inward, and upward.

Because it is not always easy to recognize our brokenness, our sin.

And even harder to name it and confess it.

The very next verse, Hebrews 4:13 says,

Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.

I am preparing for the celebration of Jesus’ resurrection.

This is my place to start.

The daily practice of confession. Talking to God about my thoughts, behaviors, actions, choices—my separation—the daily practice of confession to allow God to reveal the way my brokenness has been on display. And the mercy, peace and compassion that follows through of His beloved Son.

Because Jesus was not broken in spirit.

Because Jesus never separated from His Father’s Will.

Because Jesus never confessed to His Heavenly Father, so I can.