Welcome to Buoy, a Life in Deeper Water podcast.

Episode 73.

Part 2 Suffering is My Selfless Way to Love (five affirmations + two steps on what to do when loving someone seems like an unfair proposition)

Hello human.

I left you with questions in BUOY episode 72:

What if I fix my eyes on bringing some light on the unseen in the lives of others—those we disagree with, who live differently, who react differently than I do?

What if we, you, and me human, get out of the way for the glory of God?

I am on a threshold. That involves suffering.

When Jesus tells us to love our enemies, well, we each have a whole life’s work with humans we don’t have an easy connection with… they aren’t bearing shields and swords, at least not physically. But with respect to the battlefield of moral excellence according to Jesus, yes, we have adversaries fighting on what seems like a very different side… coming from a distant spiritual country. And there are those people who are spiritually passive, not engaging in any spiritual rousting… I have those humans in my life too.

I asked you to consider this:  How do we bring “the unseen” power in our lives to those we feel distant from? How do we get out of the way and step over the threshold of suffering for the glory of God?

Because that is where my witness is right now. At the threshold of suffering. Because our suffering is a powerful connection, a searing witness that speaks to the eyes, the ears, the heart, and soul of the humans on our path. In ways only God sees.

A selfless witness speaks to the unseen in another human.

And just to refresh, Paul’s dissenters thought he suffered too much to be Spirit-filled, that the dissension and ridicule he faced in his presentation of the Gospel, his imprisonments, did not represent the authority of God.

But Paul lived and ministered to others on the front lines of God’s spiritual war.

His life was messy. God uses Paul’s suffering as an apostle to reveal His glory. He defines the essence of suffering through embodying Christ.

2 Corinthians 4:10

10 We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.  

Our Suffering is for Jesus

Paul is saying that our suffering, our “being given over to death” is for Jesus, and that our suffering never leaves us crushed, in despair, abandoned or destroyed. This whole spiritual process honors the death and resurrection of Jesus. The resurrected life of Jesus lives through us for the sake of redeeming others.

So, here I am.  With an awesome God, who has given me His resurrected Son, within the fragility of my own prideful human condition.

What suffering are we talking about? Everything pales in the footsteps of Paul. Yet, if we seek godliness, we are promised:

2 Timothy 3:12

12 In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted,

This isn’t easy for me to gain mental clarity on… because it seems paradoxical on a couple of levels. First, that the suffering we encounter every day, doesn’t always take a physical form, but more of a spiritual suffering. Because being selfless requires we die to our pride, our desires, our longings for earthly affirmations from a world we touch, feel, and see with other people. A world of people we have conversations with every day.

And second, also a paradox that if I share the “unseen” of my life, which is Jesus’ love, the hope of life into eternity with our Creator, that the power of the “unseen” would yield something less than the love I put out there. At least that is what I see.

But everything is in God’s timing, so while we may not receive back what we gave a person, it doesn’t compromise the value of our love, or that our love did not take root. We just can’t see it. God is sovereign.

A Subway Car Full of Pride

Several years ago, we were getting on a subway car packed with commuters, with crowds of folks on the platform intending to find a place when the doors opened. Anyone who lives and works in the City knows the art and etiquette of squeezing more bodies through the car doors, and compressing to make room for one more, one more, and one more.

With a final collective human heave toward the insider of the car as we heard “stand clear of the closing doors” my husband was lurched forward into unplanned contact with a baby stroller, and the mother standing behind it. Not on purpose. He caught himself from full weight force but bumped the stroller. He said something like “excuse me” to which she replied, with clarity and conviction, something I can’t repeat here.

A subway car is a captive audience, so she continued, escalating into a “fired up” rant, and all the ways she had come to defend herself, show her resilience, her view of the hand she was dealt, using profanity to make her points. As we stood there in forced, trapped proximity. I didn’t doubt her journey. I admired it. While my spirit was offended by her language, and that an ideology had been unjustly triggered, her struggle, her fierceness wasn’t about the right or wrong of it, no, the humanity of it. Of her on her journey. My spirit was moved.

I was a little further into the car, and was aware of others supporting her, taking on her defiance, not in an escalating way, just a way of standing with someone. When we came to our stop, I had to crowd past a guy who knew I was with my husband, and had been chiming in with her, though he didn’t know her.

Without thinking, pretty much just blurting it out to my surprise, I said: “I love you.”

He replied: “I don’t love you.”

Rejection hurts. I turned back and reacted, “Well that’s on you.”

I could have suffered my public pride. But in that moment, I didn’t want to look naïve, the opposite of street smart. So, I threw blame back on him… which filled my heart with arrogance and pride, replacing the love Jesus had given me in the moment for that man. So, it wasn’t on him. It was on me. I didn’t “show” him anything, I showed Jesus the fragility of my prideful human condition.

The love God gives us is a divine, selfless love. My spiritual commission is to be clear and convicted, to remainclear and convicted about the Jesus who has resurrected my heart, so I can wrap my heart around the lives of others in my path. That I embody the death of Jesus, and His resurrection through my life and actions.

That’s the power of sharing the “unseen.” And so, it is no surprise that God grows our character through suffering. We abide in our Savior when we do. Nestled in His resurrected love.

So, I have five affirmations and two steps today. To guide my reactions to those who are not so easy to love through my perspective on the world. And in some way, define my “unseen” for those humans on my path.

Here they are, moored to our Heavenly Father’s Word.

When Loving Someone Seems Like an Unfair Proposition

My affirmations are subtitled “what to do when loving someone seems like an unfair proposition.”

Affirmation No. 1

I will not use bad behavior to strengthen good relationships. (ill-aligned camaraderie such as gossip, slander, malicious conversations)

Every day.

Luke 6:27-28

But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.

Affirmation #2

I will not take joy in the misfortune of people I have a hard time connecting with in this life. Lasting judgement IS NOT mine. Lasting love IS mine to give everyone.

Every day.

Proverbs 24:17

Do not rejoice when your enemy falls and let not your heart be glad when he stumbles.

Affirmation #3

I will repay evil with blessing, as I have been called.

Every day.

1 Peter 3:9

Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing.

Affirmation #4

I will ask for forgiveness for others.

Every day.

Luke 23:34

And Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”

Affirmation #5

I am a child of my Father in heaven who loves those who do not love me and prays for those who treat me poorly.

Every day.

Matthew 5:43-45

You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven.

This feels like a path toward clarity and conviction about how I love those I do not have a good connection with…. my enemies in a 2024 world. Who God has put on my path to love. Because it is not about what I get, but what I give. God is the source of all my eternal rewards.

Two Steps Forward, and No Steps Back

So, to keep it simple, here are two steps I will take every time I am brought face to face with the person in front of me that I find not easy to connect to. What I tell my mind and heart to do and feel.  

1. Pray first, and always for that person’s salvation. Remain open to conviction about who he or she is and reflect the God that loves him or her through the blood of His Son. The goal is salvation for every person.

1 Timothy 2:1-2

I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people—for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness.

2. Act with love, not judgement. Say a kind thing about that person, show compassion for the struggle that holds that person captive. Help those around you do the same. Build a stronghold together for that person, anchored in love, not judgement. Because judgement is the Lord’s.

Titus 2:11-14

For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope—the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good.

Paul was so clear and convicted about what he wanted for all who came across his path, that he knows the source of the greatest love, and that our Lord, can give us an abundance of it for the “everyone else” in our lives.

1 Thessalonians 3:12

12 May the Lord make your love increase and overflow for each other and for everyone else, just as ours does for you.

I am moved to spiritual fierceness, human, that my witness affirms the love that Jesus has for me.  And you. And for everyone else. That I be fierce in bringing the power of the “unseen” within my earthly life to those who do not know that there is more…